The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
