I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
