Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
