Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
