my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
