if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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