The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
