Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
