you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
