I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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