she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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