That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
