I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
