so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
