I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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