I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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