I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize