Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
