i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
