Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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