That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
