I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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