No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
