Heybabeimwearingurpanties
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they call him Oral-B. enough said
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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