I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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