just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The air taste purple.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
