Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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