Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
