My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
