as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize