He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize