already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
