How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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