shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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