Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
