you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
