How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
