wrigley field is MILF paradise
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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