I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
