I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize