New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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