he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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