absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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