I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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