It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
