yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
