Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
