3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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