I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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