He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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