she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize