please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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