and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
