I met the friendliest cop last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
