i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
