I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
