Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
