Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
