So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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