I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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