Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
