Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
