It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
