I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
