literally had 100 drinks last night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
