I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
