So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
