Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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