We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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