If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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