Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
