so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
