I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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