Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
