woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
