Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
