at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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