I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She even gives head with a lisp.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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