omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
