quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
