im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And then my night got REAL pukey
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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